I was undecided about a blog  until I made a trip to Home Depot today.  It reminded me that there are a lot of little irritants in this world.  I am convinced that somewhere in a small darkened room there are several people of genius IQs that are paid monumental amounts of money just to make our lives miserable.  Case in point:

During my visit to the orange and white big box store today I purchased two Master brand locks — really good ones.  The advertising said they were almost indestructible and they looked it.  They were big, heavy and came two to a pack with the same key opening both locks.  I also bought some PVC plastic plumbing pipe and connections, 32 pieces in all.  Confounded by the “Self Checkout” I went to one that had a real person behind a counter.  I paid, thought nothing more of it and left for home.

Back at my workshop I emptied the Home Depot bag and removed the locks.  “Oh boy,” I thought, “These babies will really protect our new RV generator.”

One big roadblock — the locks were contained in consumer-proof, bullet proof, atomic bomb resistant plastic.  The directions were clear, “Take out the keys, open the locks and they will easily slide out of the package.”  But — the keys were also protected by the plexi-glass type packaging material which was at least six inches thick.

Not one to be easily deterred I took out a utility knife and tried to cut the container, the blade broke.  Then I got a pair of scissors; they slipped on the plastic and I cut myself.  Thinking like Wylie Coyote I eyed my collection of power tools; drills, table, circular and jig saws, a drill press — but I wasn’t quite ready for the nuclear option.  I settled on a hack saw and clamped the package in a vice.  I sawed around the keys and struck pay dirt.  The keys fell out.  Needless to say I opened the locks and they easily slid out, just as advertised and it only took 20 minutes a broken blade, a bandage and blood on my shirt.

Now we turn to the PVC plastic pipe and fittings that I planned to use in building a collapsible shelving unit for Robin’s art shows.  Each of the 36 pieces had a small bar code sticker on it.  Now, because I’m building shelves, the PVC stuff will show so I decided to remove the bar code stickers.  No way!  First I tried my handy pocket knife and all I accomplished was gouging the pipe, the bar code was undisturbed.  My fingernails resulted in even less success.

A light bulb appeared over my head and I grabbed the electric palm sander.  It roared to life and I touched it to the pipe.  It took the finish off the pipe but left the bar code clearly visible.  Now what?  I pondered the situation and knew what would work; Goo-Gone, but I didn’t have any so another trip to Home Depot.  Long story short, the Goo-Gone worked and it only took 45 minutes to remove all the bar codes.  By this time I had already wasted a half-day and hadn’t even begun the projects I intended to finish in one day.

Why do manufacturers do this to us?   Theft protection?  Hell, if a thief stole the locks from Home Depot he would have to go back to the store to steal a jack hammer to open the locks package.  And the bar codes — you cannot tell me that there is not an adhesive that will come off with a slight application of the fingernails.  Why do they have to use  nails, screws, glue and rebar to fasten the stickers? 

Well, that’s my story.  I believe those gnomes who work in that darkened room are the epitome of evil.  I can see them laughing as they invent still another way to irritate the consumer, especially us old poops.   From where do you think the Edsel came?  How about child-proof bottles?  I could go on — I won’t.